“I am refraining on commenting on the post, since I am sincerely trying to recapture some of the innocence and naivety of my late teens/early twenties. My 33-year old side-eye 2 these dudes would totally negate all of the hard work that I’ve been doing the last few weeks.”
i jokingly made this comment on hostess’ site the other day, but real talk i’m serious as hell. in the last post, i gave you guys the run down on the WHY…but now i wanna talk about the HOW.
i admit that it’s been hard to deprogram myself. i have always had rules and procedures for everything. seriously. i time my morning routine in increments - wake up and use restroom 15 minutes, brush teeth 10 minutes, shower 20 minutes, make-up 22 minutes….2 minutes included because of contact lens cleaning/insertion…etc…and i’m SERIOUSLY thrown off if i only have 14 minutes of restroom time instead of 15, 18 minutes of shower time instead of 20, etc. etc.
i’m gonna pause while you guys laugh and poke fun…
whaddup, people! i feel kinda skittish about putting this into words, but summa y’alls nosey asses have been asking for an update on my love life so here goes….
i don’t know why it’s one o’clock in the morning and i’m still up. my eyes are all puffy. i’ve been crying and listening to “missing you” by gladys knight, tamia, brandy and chaka khan:
i miss my college roommates sumthin’ TERRIBLE! it didn’t help that the irony of the ’set it off’ movie and soundtrack wasn’t lost on me, as i watched the re-run of cool deej and her episode of ’snapped’ w/ my mom. before it aired, i sent my old roomies the obligatory “Merry Christmas - I Love You Byshes!” text, while remembering how we all used to scramble to conference call to say Merry Christmas during our breaks in college. Never mind that one week before, we’d argued over who left the empty OJ container in the fridge - we wanted to make sure that we all knew that we were loved.
now, 3 of us live in metro-ATL - but we never see each other anymore. i miss my sisters. like the song lyrics, they were ‘my sisters, my strength and my pride’. my soul feels like there’s one big gaping hole there that only they can fill.
# 7, texted me back saying, “I love you, too Beloved” - and I could hear her voice, all raspy and Gospel-choir-y. She’s the Kimberly Elise one - naive and sweet. She would hug people spontaneously and tell me she loved me all the time. I would always deadpan her and say, “I care about you deeply, but I’m not ready for that level of commitment” or if we’re on the phone I say “I’m no longer interested in conversation with you” and hang up. Now, when I do things like that she just smiles.
#11, responded to all of us saying, “although I never see you guys anymore - I still care about you just as much as yesteryear”. She lives in VA, and is due to give birth any day now. She’s also the subject of my Philly wedding posts a couple of years ago - the one who gave up her career at JP Morgan to pursue her dream of sewing and designing.
She’s the Jada character - I think - we both argue over that one - cuz if anybody’s gonna screw Blair Underwood by candlelight it’s gonna be me…although truth, be told, I would’ve been the one to plan the bank heists after getting shafted at my job and they would’ve been riding with me like soldiers. So for the sake of this post, I’m gonna go ahead and accept my inner Vivica.
Now #23 is NOT the dikey Queen Latifah character. Physically, she’s the most beautiful of us all and she is married to her high school sweetheart , with two beautiful children. The picture perfect, 30-something generation photoshoot live in new millennium bedazzled color. But underneath that Southern charm, homegirl has balls of steel. She’s never even raised her voice or been drunk in public, but damn if everybody who saw Set It Off said that the scene in the end with Latifah smoking that final cigar before going out like a G was pure 23! LOL!
At any rate, I know that I haven’t haunted this blog in a while - and this post came completely out of nowhere - but I missed my soulmates and I needed to get it out somewhere!
i turned in a personal leave request at work for november 5th last week. in the “reason” category, i wrote “you know why ”. cheeky, i know. and i already know that my principal is going to write some smart comment on the form when he returns it me. my school’s faculty is not only a good racial mix (black, white, latino, asian, indian) - we’re also a good political mix (democrat, republican, libertarian, green).
we have some really good discussions - without the negative emotion and rhetoric. i’m proud of that because it allows our students to form their own opinions and express them freely. for ex., one of my former students sent me a john mccain button on facebook, which was followed up by a snarky comment on my page from one of my most conservative of the conservatives co-worker. i followed that up by tagging them in this pic:
ya’ know….sometimes, i wish that i could go back to 2004/2005 - where i didn’t know you guys in real life. so many of you are interfused with my reality (we’ve hung out… *cough* dated…have become e-mail/im/facebook buddies) that it’s hard to keep some things private. because of that, i try to maintain a balance of keeping some things private, while keeping those of you who truly care about me outside of the blog world updated on what’s going on w/ me - not just for myself, but for the people in my immediate environment that deserve their privacy.
but let me tell you…i’ve been going thru some things lately…the last couple of week have been absolutely WICKED. maybe, i’ll share the details when it’s long past and i see the value in the lesson…maybe not. in the meantime…let me try to show you….
*checking time….10:38PM….about an hour and a 1/2 until i’m fined*
i refuse to apologize for not posting! i’m just gonna admit that i’m trifling and keep it moving. at first, i was just gonna post some more randumb shyt but then word on the curb tonight got me thinking….
i must be batshyt crazy. it’s 2:22AM and i’m supposed to be hurrying up trying to finish my work so that i can catch an hour or two of sleep but what am i doing? blogging… *sigh* ….i’m such a procrastinator.
i found out on friday that my god-mother had passed away. the circumstances surrounding her death are suspicious at best. her car had been parked outside of her beau’s home since wednesday night - her body wasn’t discovered until friday morning…in his front yard, alcohol was in her system, etc. etc.
”. cheeky, i know. and i already know that my principal is going to write some smart comment on the form when he returns it me. my school’s faculty is not only a good racial mix (black, white, latino, asian, indian) - we’re also a good political mix (democrat, republican, libertarian, green).
