anonymusings….

i remember when i used to have my pet snake, striker. i was constantly fascinated by his shedding process. right before it was time for him to shed, he would always get this really funny look in his eyes and he’d shy away from being touched. after hiding underneath his bark for a couple of days, i’d notice his old skin off in the corner somewhere and there he’d be at the top of his cage…bright eyed, bushy tailed (or sliver tailed) and ready for the world again.

i used to marvel at how bright and clear his skin was after each shed. i’d always forget that the shedding process was really a time for him to discard his exterior shell because he was constantly growing. one day i looked up and he’d grown from barely a few inches to amazingly a few feet-all within a matter of months. the process was so natural and so gradual that i barely noticed until i was going thru some old pictures one day. i’d gotten over my fear of reptiles (at least with him) because i experienced his growth process on a daily basis.

i realized recently that i too have been experiencing my own personal “shedding” process. during the past year, it’s been so natural and so gradual that it really hadn’t occurred to me that what i’d been doing was “shedding” until i ended my other blog today. saying goodbye to “beloved” felt good. i needed to remind myself that i was truly loved by God first and that self-love was key. beloved served that purpose during the last 8 months or so. when i was first “loosed”, i was excited about posting my picture and owning each word that i wrote and experience that i shared. i grew so much personally from that. seeing my words in print and reading about myself from other people’s POV’s had a major impact on my life.

now, it’s time to go on to a new chapter. i still love to write and i’m happy that i’ve discovered this forum. i still want to see my words in print and own the things that i feel and i say. but it’s not as important to me for others to know who i am because i’m finally secure in who this person is. i don’t need to stand on a platform or yell from the rooftops anymore. i’ve taken to calling myself “gypsy” because i’m still never settling in one place for too long…still enjoying my journey. i still have doubts, i still have fears sometimes, but at the end of the day i’m completely comfortable in this new skin that i’m in.

the only problem now is deciding what to do with the “old” me. although, i’d love to be able to one day go back and read my words from that “beloved” time period in my life, i also feel as though it’s old skin that should be thrown away. like striker, my “shedding” and growth went virtually unnoticed by me because it took place on a daily basis right underneath my nose. it’s like i woke up one morning a completely different person and it wasn’t painful at all. to delete or not delete…that is the question. do i need to save the memories of the experience to fo back to later and pinpoint certain changes that took place during this time or discard the process because it’s no longer needed? hmmm…..